Harper's American Visit Delayed

Poor Harper, this must hurt:

WASHINGTON (CP) - Prime Minister Stephen Harper won't be heading to Washington next month to meet with U.S. President George W. Bush as he'd hoped but officials say it's no sign of trouble in Canada-U.S. relations.

Harper was aiming to visit Washington in mid-June but there were scheduling problems with the White House, U.S. and Canadian sources told The Canadian Press.

Our sources have gained access to the conversation between our Prime Minister and the President:

Harper:Hi George, it's Stephen Harper.

Bush: Who?

Harper: Stephen Harper, PM of Canada.

Bush: Yes, yes, hi Stephen. Thanks for agreeing to all our demands on softwood by the way. Our folks are ecstatic!

Harper: No problem. As I told you in Cancun, I want a better relationship and if I have to sell out Canada's interests to achieve it, so be it.

Anyways, are we still on at the ranch for June?

Bush: June, did I say June? Ummm, I might have to cancel.

Harper: George, come on. You told me if I mirrored all your policies, then we could hang out and you could pretend I'm important in front of those communists in our press corps. I used "cut and run". I've trashed Kyoto and anything vaguely related to the environment. I've introduced taxcuts with no consideration for future deficits. I'm getting tough on crime and we will be building those great superjails that you guys have. We've even started talking about abortion and god- although just a little until we get that majority. And, just yesterday Mr Howard addressed parliament, where I gave him a platform to read the Bush playbook. George, you promised!

Bush: You gonna back me when I nuke Iran and give me all the oil from them tar sands?

Harper: Sure, you can have all our water too. We've got tons, what with all this melting and stuff.

Bush: Okay, well June doesn't work. I usually take the whole month off. Last year alone I took more vacations that Clinton did in eight years. Moron. How about the fall, if Blair cancels?

Harper: Sure, sure, fall works. Crawford right? Little presser, with the ranch in the back, right?

Bush: Ya, okay. Oh ya, I heard you were going to join the Asia-Pacific thingamagiggy. That should keep those crazy tree huggers at bay for awhile. What a great scam.

Harper: We're in! Nothing says progress like voluntary, non-binding resolutions.

Bush: Okay, gotta go.

Harper: Looking forward to it Mr. President.

Bush: Ya, whatever. Just don't dress like a dork again.

Harper: Sure, sure.