Hundreds of federal Conservative candidates and campaign workers will converge on a Toronto convention centre this week for a political boot camp designed to prepare them for the next election.
Over three days of activities starting Friday at the Toronto Congress Centre, candidates will be drilled in everything from the basics of door-to-door canvassing to the art of delivering the pithy sound bite.
Party operatives will get crash courses in get-out-the-vote techniques and the Conservatives' sophisticated database program for pinpointing voter categories..
At the training conference, candidates will likely learn some of the techniques that served the party well in the last election, such as the e-mailing of daily talking points to candidates' BlackBerries each morning
Some of the other items on the agenda:
-the party will hire groups of ethnics, that will travel with candidates to campaign events to mitigate the "white out" effect and give the false impression that the party has made inroads with minorities.
-candidates will train in the use of wireless earpiece devices, allowing PMSH to directly feed lines, ensuring a tight message.
-all media inquires should be answered with the following responses, with the exception of The National Post or Sun Media:
-unavailable for comment
-we'll get back to you
-each candidate will be fitted for an ankle bracelet that emits a small electrical charge everytime someone begins to speak freely.
-as part of the Tory commitment to reduce the tax burden, the budget will include a new fund that will allow candidates to directly give residents 50 dollars during door to door campaigning. Candidates will have the flexibility to give more if the person is undecided or a soccer mom.
-no candidate will complete a sentence without blaming the Liberals and/or referencing their 13 years in power.
-training in baby holding, to avoid incidents such as this:
And you thought the last Tory campaign was slick.