Monday, March 12, 2007

Message Control

This is the week that Conservatives gather to "prepare" for the election they don't want:
Hundreds of federal Conservative candidates and campaign workers will converge on a Toronto convention centre this week for a political boot camp designed to prepare them for the next election.

Over three days of activities starting Friday at the Toronto Congress Centre, candidates will be drilled in everything from the basics of door-to-door canvassing to the art of delivering the pithy sound bite.

Party operatives will get crash courses in get-out-the-vote techniques and the Conservatives' sophisticated database program for pinpointing voter categories..

At the training conference, candidates will likely learn some of the techniques that served the party well in the last election, such as the e-mailing of daily talking points to candidates' BlackBerries each morning

Some of the other items on the agenda:
-the party will hire groups of ethnics, that will travel with candidates to campaign events to mitigate the "white out" effect and give the false impression that the party has made inroads with minorities.

-candidates will train in the use of wireless earpiece devices, allowing PMSH to directly feed lines, ensuring a tight message.

-all media inquires should be answered with the following responses, with the exception of The National Post or Sun Media:

-unavailable for comment
-scheduling conflict
-we'll get back to you

-each candidate will be fitted for an ankle bracelet that emits a small electrical charge everytime someone begins to speak freely.

-as part of the Tory commitment to reduce the tax burden, the budget will include a new fund that will allow candidates to directly give residents 50 dollars during door to door campaigning. Candidates will have the flexibility to give more if the person is undecided or a soccer mom.

-no candidate will complete a sentence without blaming the Liberals and/or referencing their 13 years in power.

-training in baby holding, to avoid incidents such as this:



And you thought the last Tory campaign was slick.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good post. Thanks for the heads up! When next I see a group of earplug wearing, pamphlet bearing white folks with a dash of pepper standing on my doorstep, I'll know which talking points to use in reply: Tell your master I am not interested!
I guess it's time to revise my "No peddling" sign to include "No peddling by Harper automatons."

p.s., I wish someone would put one of those barking dog shock collars on Baird before the House sits again...

knb said...

LOl Steve, well done. I love that pic of "Steve", you just can't script that stuff!

After seeing that doc of the "training sessions", they employ, I thought, "if any of these kids come to my door, how can I make my point without being rude?" I haven't figured it out yet.

One of the young women in the doc said her decision to join the con's, came about because her parents came from Eastern block countries and she wanted to stop the left from creating that here! Astonishing and scarey.

Steve V said...

""if any of these kids come to my door, how can I make my point without being rude?"

I'll just do what I do when the Jehovah's come around, hide.

That is scary!

Robert McClelland said...

I can't tell where the reality ends and the satire begins.

Robert McClelland said...

I'll just do what I do when the Jehovah's come around, hide.

No, no, no. You invite them in and keep them there for as long as possible. I had Steve Mazilli (sp?), the CP candidate for my riding here in London, in my kitchen for a good half hour during the `06 campaign. That's a half hour where he wasn't getting a sale or badgering someone else to get a sale. Waste as much of their time as possible.

Steve V said...

That's not a bad idea. And I should ask for a sign and some party propaganda to hand out, to tap the resources.